Chesilogs

Say Mo Cow? -el?

2010-09-06T00:29:00.000-07:00

Piolo Pascual’s story when he was just starting out in Showbiz: (Im not one of Papa-P’s-fans by the way). He said he went to Boy Abunda and asked to be managed. Piolo said Boy sort of just blankly stared at him, studied him briefly with little interest and said something like “Pag siguro pinaayos mo ng konti yang mukha mo, yang balat mo, and yung hitsura mo, siguro then…tsaka mo ko balikan’. In short Boy denied him - he failed to recognize Piolo’s potentials.

Anyways…yes, while the world is a social pool of critics, where you are always being measured and pschyo-analyzed somehow, some way -

Today I realized that the people whose opinions really count dont have to be the-Simon-Cowells (or Boy-Abundas) in this world, they are actually simply those who we thought would at least appreciate us.

Its like a little kid holding up a picture of a stick-person she drew of you. She’s not asking you to tell her ‘Wow you can be the next Van Gogh’. Geez. Sometimes maybe she just simply wanted to make you happy, if you could appreciate that… unfortunately you were too busy playing Simon Cowell.

Deadly Blow

2010-09-06T00:23:00.000-07:00

Music pasok: "tugsh ♪ tugsh ♫ tugsh ♪"

I dont normally buy tabloid newspapers. But the other morning, I bought a copy. The headline in all caps and bold red font made me do it. (- or maybe the Cornetto did.)

It said "BAKLA NAUTAS SA P20 NA ORAL SEX".

Immediately, the Cornetto Ice Cream TV Ads-Commercial played in my head where this party guy was trying to get in a bar...so he hands the bouncer 20 Pesos and the bouncer starts to beat box 'tugsh tugsh tugsh' and then flickers his flashlight on the guy while telling him to dance. The ad comes with the line "Saan Aabot ang BENTE PESOS mo?"

I guess... apparently, aside from a Cornetto Ice Cream...one can also avail a blow job, earn a bullet in your face and a death certificate. :/

~From the tabloid paper: 'Buhay ang naging kapalit nang paniningil ng P20 ng isang baklang pipi sa ginawa nitong oral sex sa isang sekyu matapos na bayaran siya ng bala sa ulo, naganap kahapon ng madaling araw sa Tondo, Maynila'

You blew the guy for 20 pesos. He took your life for 20 pesos. :(

Justice is not served at:

'Naaresto agad ang suspek, na si ----- , may asawa, security guard ....etc'

Justice is served, maybe... when finally, poverty is alleviated.

The Rationale for 'Stomach-In''

2010-08-30T23:27:00.000-07:00

August 29, 2010 “Ma’am hindi po ba buntis?” The ticket lady asked me.
I didn’t answer.
Maybe she was talking to the LetLet who was standing beside me. She is bigger anyway. “Ma’am hindi po ba buntis?” She repeated.
I couldn’t believe my ears. I must have asked “Ako Ba?” more than once.
“ Hindi po ba buntis?…bawal po buntis…may sakit sa puso…may asthma…”
She went on…but my ears kind of stopped at ‘buntis’.
Then I stared down at my loose blouse. It ballooned at the front. I had tucked it the wrong way
“No!” I tugged at my blouse.

I guess I shouldn’t take it personally. Nothing personal - so when I got home, I just did 1000 sit-ups…kidding. :) After all, there have been times when I, myself, have assumed others to be pregnant when they were actually not. And I- meant well.

Lets cite an incident: Upon seeing my chemistry professor at an event, I greeted her and noticed her bulging tummy. My eyes sparkled (<-says me).

I immediately concluded ‘She’s finally PREGNANT.’ She once told us that she and her husband have been trying for almost 20 years now. So I was excited for her.

I gasped with a full smile “Wow Ma’am (gawking at her tummy) ---- CONGRATULATIONS!!! Wow!!!”
She looked back at me and didn’t say anything; Clueless.
That’s when I realized she wasn’t pregnant. I’m guessing she got what I was saying.

So to politely save the moment, I continued with “CONGRATULATIONS……Ma’am nakarating kayo!!…wow andito na kayo!!”. (like being there was something to be congratulated about.)

I gave her a cheek-to-cheek and walked away graciously.*wink

Laki Sa Lola

2010-08-24T01:13:00.001-07:00

“Hola” she said on facebook. My grandmother, Amah, is 73 years old and it’s been years since she was last here in the Philippines.

One of my fondest memory of her is that time when I just got home, she was smiling on her rocking chair and holding a celphone. I knew it was for me :) but to not ruin the surprise, I acted dumb.

ME: “WOW. Amah ang ganda niyan” pointing to the 6110 Nokia phone on her hand ( although 61-10's along with other early models of antenna phones have phased out already :) )

The gesture was priceless. Amah’s excitement was all over her face…WHY would anybody ever want to ruin the moment? :)

Amah: (in chinese) Indeed!! Look! it even has many HIGH-TECH features!.”

Amah: Ko-u Alarm Clock! Ko-u Calculator! (It even has an alarm clock function! and a calculator function!) :)

I gave a wow to every feature she boasted to me, even though I knew these things were only...regular features :)

I smiled: “Amah.. Eh.. Kanino ba yan?”

She grinned like a happy teenager and said “Bwe Ho Di Ah (bought it for you...)”

I took it. :) I used that phone with pride :) until it was time again to surprise me with a 3210 which came in a multi-colored hologram smiley casing, multi-colored keypads and backlight. :D

“Si Amah talaga..” :) <3

~While things lose their value over time, sentiments don’t.

Long Live, Wall-E. :)

BIG MOMMA

2010-08-18T18:50:00.000-07:00

Big is beautiful; the weight gain kept my feet on the ground and taught me a few things. :)

I used to be BIG. Well, I was thin first and then I got bigger (and oh well pregnant). I was 107 lbs. And in nine months I ballooned to 200lbs. Okay let’s scrap the pregnancy part. I was so big, that AFTER giving birth and I came home from the hospital, one neighbor greeted me and said “ay! Naku malapit ka ng manganak” her eyes glowing. I almost cried “Nanganak na nga ako eh, nanganak na ko”

I’d stare at my body in the mirror wondering if I was still human or if I was a huge kangaroo.

There was even one time, I was in the elevator and the operator just kept staring, finally I asked her “baket?” and she blurted out one stinging rhetorical question “ANONG NANGYARI SA IYO.”

It was a time when, if the seats were all taken and you could clearly see that the whole bench is being occupied by men, you silently hope in your heart somebody would give you a seat…but it never happened when I was that big.

I learned to really understand how sad it was to see the difference between how people treated me before and after, and to see clothes I’d like to wear and not be able to fit in them, to wonder if the conductor wanted to charge me more because my ass occupied more than one seat, and to realize that the fat jokes, they’re always funny.. just maybe…not always cool; That it was hard to lose the weight I so carelessly and mindlessly put on myself.

It was a good experience because it was humbling.

Co-Gluttons, be warned.

hairy matters

2010-08-11T22:41:00.001-07:00

I remember watching a basketball game. Aiza was cheering for her boyfriend-then. I was sitting beside her. She’d get so excited she’d flick her long hair every time she cheered. And every time she did, her hair would hit me on the face. No. It attacked me. :D

As she didn’t notice the whole time… I decided to ask “Aiza may kanin ka ba dyan?” She had her back to me and she still had some of her hair on my face when she answered ”wala ,baket?” before she turned around.

I smiled ” kasi kanina mo pa pina-pakain sa akin buhok mo eh kulang na lang kanin” :))

Then last night, while on a jeepney ride, this woman did the same thing to me, twice. First she hit me on my left cheek and then she hit me on the nose.

I laughed in my mind. Naisip ko lang… a woman indeed is made up of sweet-deadly things. A-basta. :) ~even the strands of hair.. of the girl you love can hurt you~ hephephep hindi ko naman love yung woman na iyon ah, naisip ko lang.

Anyways nakatali lang buhok ko pero mahaba din yan :)) and nanakit din? :) try ko patigasin ng parang kahoy then ihasa then chaka ko iflick around para sampal na ang dating :)

‘Glory is the woman with long hair’. :D

. <- Period

2010-08-05T01:24:00.001-07:00

My Aunt came out of the bathroom and handed me a bulky-something neatly wrapped in toilet tissue paper and said "Cherry tapon mo toh sa basura sa labas". I took it from her hand and asked "Sa-e Ano toh?" and she just said "Siopao". I was seven years old. I obediently dropped it down the trash shoot of the building, wondering 'bakit tinapon kung siopao? sayang'

Siopao. It was the summer of the year I turned 13, when i finally now had to throw my own siopao's...:) It was an awkward time in my life. haha. Enough said.

I said to myself that when Czesca starts to ask about these things I will be more honest.

I just didnt expect it to be too soon. So the other night as we were about to go to sleep...

Czesca: Mommy bakit may dugo ka sa pampers mo?

Me: Sino nagsabi sa iyo?

Czesca: ako lang, nakita ko...bakit may dugo ka sa pampers mommy?

Me: Ah...someday Czesca, paglaki mo magkakaganun ka din..

Czesca:....

Me: That's called "period"

Czesca: Hindi kaya 'period'...mommy...ang tawag dun 'blood'. "BLOOD" mommy "Blood" hindi 'period'.

Of course, i laughed again. Sometimes I wonder kung namimilosopo lang siya or if she's really just 4. She always has a point naman ahaha.

Me: hay nako pagusapan na lang natin pag ten or eleven years old ka na, ilang taon ka na ba?

Czesca: 4...

Me: o see 4 ka lang, remind mo na lang ako pag 11 ka na...

Scoring more points over me? I had to at least try to redeem myself. hahaha.

No Air No Air

2010-08-03T01:03:00.000-07:00

Czesca: Mommy, marami bang pera si Jesus?

Me: Bakit mo naman ask kung maraming pera si Jesus?

Czesca: Di ba give niya tayo ng blessing para dami tayong pera para punta ako sa playhouse?

Me: yes blessing yun ni Jesus, but madami naman klaseng blessing Czesca

Czesca: Anu yun?

Me: For example, nakakahinga tayo kasi blessing ni Jesus yung air sa atin, di ba di ka makakahinga pag walang air?

Czesca: Yes

Me: oh lets try, close your mouth and ipit ko your nose…

I gently pinched Czesca’s nostrils close.

Me: oh di ba? Di ka na makahinga?

Czesca looks at me and says: Mommy, inipit mo kaya nose ko…

I laughed, the girl has got a point.

Jesus In Our Hearts :)

2010-08-03T01:00:00.000-07:00

Czesca: Mommy, asan si Jesus nakatira?

Me: Dito sa heart mo.

Czesca: Hindi kaya. Hindi kaya kasya si Jesus diyan.

Me: Jesus lives in your heart.

Czesca: Anu gawa niya sa heart ko? Hindi kaya house ang heart ko.

I laughed.

Me: Czesca, that’s not what I mean…

Czesca: Eh di ba nag e-eat ako food dito dumadaan yung food (pointed to her chest), natatamaan ba si jesus?

Me: Hindi naman dumadaan sa heart ang food, anyway, I mean…Jesus is in your heart kasi di ba you love jesus?

Czesca: yes

Me: we keep the people we love sa heart natin.

Czesca:…

Me: Czesca, now do you understand?

Czesca:….(nods)

But I bet if czesca only knew how to tell me, she’d say “HELLOOOO…kaka four years old ko lang kaya…understand…understand…I don’t understand!!!…”

PaMaNa

2010-08-03T00:52:00.000-07:00

You know how at times when people pay you a compliment about your body; sometimes you go and say something like “I got it from my mom”. Your long legs, your eyes, you hips, your boobs, they’re beautiful DNA heritage you got from (usually) your mom. It wouldn’t be too nice to hear you got your…lets say boobs… from your dad.

So anyways, I was in my mom’s room, studying myself in front of her mirror and I started saying how I got too much of my father’s DNA focused on my siopao-cheeks. Since my father is dead, I decided to blame her and joke that she owes me a Buccal fat removal procedure. ;D To which she told me:

Her: Hay nako, tumigil ka nga diyan..ewan ko sa iyo…

Me: Anung tumigil, eh ikaw nga jan, nagpagawa ka pa ng boobs…arte lang…

Her: Ano kaya kung gusto mo, pag pinatanggal ko na, lipat natin sa iyo? Gusto mo?

Me: Eeeew….yuck… ah… pwede ba mi.

Her: Anu ka? Magandang klase toh ah. And mahal na klase hindi yung ordinary.

Me: Hindi naman bagay sa kin yang ganyang size dahil iba body structure natin, O.A. sa akin yan ewww…at tagal na niyan ah. No way ewww. Anu ka ba?

Wala namang sampalang naganap, biruan lang and a few rolling of the eyes and raising of eyebrows and animated facial expressions.

However, if I actually decide to take those implants for myself, technically I could still say ‘I got it from my mom’ hahaha.

Secret Lang

2010-08-03T00:50:00.000-07:00

I used to have a lot of things to say. Now all I have are mostly secrets. Few people have come to know about some of them but no one knows about the whole lot. These are the things I keep to myself; things only God knows about completely.

The problem with secrets when we share it to someone we trust, is they share it to another person they trust; until a so called secret is nothing more than a gossip about you.

While yes, I have heard about the saying “The truth will set you free”; still in this life and in this world, some things are better left unsaid.

I am sorry to the people I disappoint and hurt. Sorry to God who has to put up with someone like me and sorry to myself, for complicating my already intricate life biography.

A Bad Dream

2010-07-26T23:55:00.001-07:00

I took my nap.
I dont understand why I always have the same dream, here.

I dozed off to a deep but restless sleep.
Every now and then I'd feel as if Im awake but my eyelids would open only half-way.
My eyes felt heavy as if a weight was closing my eyelids to sleep.

I cannot move and I am immediately made aware I could be having a bad dream.But I can see the office. The empty office.I would have expected people who were not here to appear in this dream but no one was there except me.

I was lying on my back.
I dont recall standing up but there I was infront of the door window looking at the time.
I dont recall going back to lie down but there I was the next minute, I was lying on my back, falling asleep. Again.

Everything was exactly as it is, the doors, the walls, my clothes, the set up, usually my other dreams would have inconsistent versions of a place, but the office always looked like the office.

Then I heard a sound.
The sound of small steps walking with haste from the diagonal end corner of the room, moving towards me.
It stopped just by the right side over my head.
I tried to open my eyes, but again, can only open them half way.
As I forced my eyes to open, I felt the force of it closing.
I didnt see anybody. No one was there.
But I felt it there.

Like a lingering scent of perfume, my fear filled the room
My eyes closed, and I prayed 'God ' Protect me/keep bad spirits away from me, keep all spirits except yours away from me.'
For a moment, I felt relieved.
Helpless, again I fell asleep.

I do not clearly remember what happened next.
All I have are bits of memories.
I felt dazed and disoriented.

I remember waking up again and going through the same predicament.
I remember feeling the same feeling over and over again.
The feeling of being trapped.
That feeling of never really waking up.
I remember walking towards the conference room and standing there.
I remember gazing through the door window and checking the time.
I remember taking my celphone and setting it on alarm.
I needed it to wake me up.
But I cant tell if it was real or if I was dreaming.
Mostly, I remember lying on my back again and I cannot move.

The alarm went off but it was still too early and I set it again.
I finally woke up.
I think I pulled myself up too fast, I had to hold on to the wall and re-organized my sense of balance.
I looked at my celphone and checked the alarm.
I set it to 1:30 AM tomorrow.

I have been dreaming this same dream every time I take a nap here.
I find it strange.
The dream of waking but never waking up.

Now I dont know if you think I simply made this up.
Im just saying, whatever this is, whatever this means.
Its just a dream.

A bad dream.

171

2010-06-25T06:32:00.000-07:00

Graceful Bitch-fit...or so I tried.

After 2 days of calling PLDT's hotline and enduring their hypnotic answering machine; helplessly obeying it when it said 'press 1 for blah blah concerns, press 2 for this shit, press 3 for all your crap', and after much tolerance for their customer service who said the same things, used the same words and were probably trained to do it all over again and again for every caller.....I have had it.

"We've been following up for our internet connection for two days...to which pare-pareho sinasabi niyo, 'checking the service order filed', 'notice escalated', whatever the hell is the procedure sa company niyo, Na ka ka pa god na tumawag sa inyo...di nakakatuwa, ang haba haba ng sinasabi ng answering machine niyo ah..."Chuva chuva etc., etc., Press Ganito, Press Ganyan, then ' please wait while we connect you to a Customer Service Agent' then instrumental music torture, then recorded message again "your call is important to us crap",then instrumental music nanaman, nakakahilo lang ah...so please make this final call count for something...and actually do something"

"And oh...thank you...but please."

=D

Ma-ka-no Last Price?

2010-06-14T08:49:00.000-07:00

I grew up near the vicinity of Binondo, walking distance to Tutuban, 168 and Divisoria Mall. They sell everything there; you think it, they have it.

I see the proximity of these places as advantages. I take opportunity to shop there. Why not? Dont get me wrong, I do like my Nine West, my Coach, my etc etc. but I spend what I can afford (depending on the times), I would not pretend and force myself in debt just so I can buy branded things when at the moment some things seems to be much practical. This is not about being cheap, this about being true and being resourceful :) and c h e a p haha what's wrong.

kung greenhills tiangge and tiendesitas tiangge din pala trip mo, iniba mo lang location, sosyal na? :D
Wish you luck. :))

Paki Plastic =)

2010-06-11T11:39:00.000-07:00

A good friend came to visit a day ago. We talked. We laughed. Its good to have real friends you can talk about things which the not-so-real-friend won't understand. :))

For example, totoo naman, i mean sige wag nating lahatin :)) pero its true...and it happens. Sometimes we meet people who we like pero at the same time minsan mayroon silang super kakaibang level na annoying side, and then when that happens we tend to talk about them (facts of life: a.k.a. talking behind their backs na rin tawag dun) And we talk about how they talk about us and how they think we wouldn't know... so who's to know if they already know we are also talking about them :)) Baka its just going on in a circle, pero voila, like magic we're all still friends. :D life is funny :)

And another fact of life: lahat tayo galit sa plastik. :)) ( Fine Ayaw sa Plastik :D)

Pero sa totoo lang aminin man natin o hindeh, sadya man natin o hindeh, minsan plastik din tayo. Pagandahin natin ang term, kelangan pilitin natin makisama or magtiis, it doesnt seem mature din naman kung lahat ng taong hindi mo feel, tataas-an mo ng kilay, mega papakita mo prangka ka ora-mismo, ever ready ka sa basag ulo at tarayan :)) parang mali rin di ba? Parang ang cheap. Pero paano sabi naman ng iba mabuti ng cheap at least totoong tao. :)) oh well san ba tayo lulugar people? :)

Whatever you choose to do...lets try to do it with grace.

Alam niyo pag sinabi ko naman with grace eh pwede pa rin naman kayo lets say magalit...ma high blood...yung grace input niyo na lang sa choice of words hehehe...

Well well well that's life. :D

(To my real friends, sagad hanggang buto :)) nagbabasagan man tayo minsan :)) we're true friends :)) )

Caltex Lang Po

2010-06-11T10:56:00.000-07:00

This morning as i hopped on a bus ride to ( place ), yung katabi kong mama, pilit na iniipit ako sa bintana kasi nakakatulog siya, yung ulo niya sa sobrang lapit sa akin pwede ko na siyang i-wrestling at i-twist ang neck and then i-body slam (yun ay kung may space lang at kung wish ko lang kaya ko siyang buhatin). >:D

Aaminin ko ha, kaasar konti lang. Nawalang saysay ang body spray ko :D moist moist pa yung braso niya which was brushing against mine, umalis na nga yung nakaupo sa other side niya kasi kung sandalan niya kami akala ata niya nasa lazy-boy chair siya.

I am not perfect. I have definitely had my antukin-moments. One of them being that time when I had just come off from a very tiring shift at work, my friend and I were on a jeepney ride home. I woke up with a nodding head initiated by Inertia, my mouth was wide open, complete with tulo laway effect and my very good friend was all the time watching me and laughing her ass off. Ever since then, I try my best not to fall asleep on jeepney rides.

Sa bus if I decide to sleep, I must be on the window side, I rest my head on the window, ipod on my ears (para kung hihilik ako hindi ko maistorbo tulog ko :D), binababa ko naman muna yung shades/curtains at pero hindi naman ako nang dadagan :))

Puro Ka Tama...ITAMA MO....SA MuKha MO.

2010-06-09T22:56:00.000-07:00

When I was much younger, I would have never thought I’d be finding myself in complicated circumstances and yet I always do. And all these circumstances, regardless if they called forth the worst or the best in me, this is life.

If only we had special powers where in we could run our lives perfectly at all times and program ourselves to be ideal in all conditions,

wouldn’t we want that?

I would…

So then people won’t have to say anything bad against each other, won’t have to hurt each other and make each other cry. But that has more potential in a world called ‘OUR IMAGINATION’.

I believe no person (hopefully) have ever dreamed of something like “oh when I grow up, I plan to get married twice and divorced both of them and then finally fall in love but not be loved in return, or,

when I grow up, I wish I’d fall in love with a man 40 yrs older than me and is dying of cancer, who is also married, with kids who hate me”

“I dream to fall in love so deep and then wake up and snap out of it” “I wish to be become the master of all lies and deceits” I mean that sort of dreams were just not in the list.

Our dreams were perfect.

But as you grow up, most of us would realize that life is not made of these innocent dreams, they’re made of the real thing. I am aware that these unpleasant situations are results of the choices we make in life, but its so funny, how we all say its so easy to choose the right choice but sometimes the right choice was either:

a.)simply not there

b.) not the choice of your heart

c.) the choice you are willing to risk to live your life

d.) the choice you skipped in order to grow, regardless of the consequences.

My point is…life is tough enough for everybody…so when we meet people with dilemmas in their lives, don’t be too quick to judge them, after all who made you the expert in life? ;) Just a thought.

Of course we won’t bother you and your moral holiness, sure carry on living your dream life and God bless you that you will never have to go through anything as hard as counting the many factors that tell you, you are better than all of us. And I actually mean that. I want to shake your holy hand and never wash my hands again.

My Pull of Gravity

2010-05-31T10:34:00.000-07:00

I don't really believe she's my mini-me but every now and then its nice to think so ahaha.

I want her to grow up as herself. I know she is going to be great.
I'll always be here for her.

My little star. My hip, smart, and charming little bruha :)

I pray you'd grow up with wisdom, heart and a strong spirit. Do not be afraid to live your life. Never let your mistakes define who you are. Believe that at times when it seems that everything has gone wrong, that you'd be fine and you'd rise from it.

You'd be proud to know that you're mom (me, in this case, wala kang choice haha) is not perfect but that I am a woman of strong heart in my own way.

And while I may fail in many things; I can fail as friend, a lover, even as a person but I will not fail as a mother. (Or so that is my goal, let's pray to God I dont give you mommy issues as you grow up)

I super love you Czesca.

Sigh.

Sa Panig ng Kontrabida

2010-05-31T00:41:00.000-07:00

Sumasakit ang ulo ko.

Ito na ang isa sa mga alam kong ikagagalit ng opinyon ng marami. Well kung di kayo agree sa akin, okay lang ganito talaga ang buhay, may kontra may kampi.

Ganun talaga sa love. Minsan ikaw ang bida, minsan ikaw ang kontrabida, minsan ikaw ang api.

Be ready to take on all roles.

AT MALALAMAN NIYONG WALA NI ISA SA KANILA ANG MADALING GAMPANAN-WALA.

Hindi niyo man magampanan lahat ng ito in your lifetime, lets say hindi mo na try maging kontrabida, good for you, but you still have to consider the possibility, you have to consider na may ganyan, it doesnt mean na dahil hindi directly nangyari sa iyo that its not real or that it doesnt happen in a normal world and na may karapatan ka, na may alam ka para makealam. CONSIDER.

Simula pa noong unang panahon hindi naman nabago ang mga kwento ng hiwalayan.
Its just not working anymore. There's someone else. Im sorry. Hindi na kita mahal. Things changed. Your bf is a dog. Your gf is whore. LAHAT NG NANG IWAN GUSTO NIYO PAPUNTAHIN SA HELL. OO na ikaw na kawawa, ikaw na bida, ikaw na mabuting tao. Ikaw na ang tama. Sana makarma sila. Sana mapunta sila sa panget or kung panget ka rin sa mas panget. Sana mag hirap sila. Sana maputulan sila ng kuryente. etc.

Hindi ko sinasabing bawal mong ipaalam na masakit, na ang hirap at na galit ka.
Wala namang pumapasok sa pag ibig ang nagplano na o nag se set ng expiry date or time kung kelan sila maghihiwalay, lahat naman tayo akala natin 'this is it'.

When they leave you after you tried everything to make them stay, let them go. You cannot make them stay just to keep yourself happy, to keep your dream protected, because then you're probably no better than them, they just want to be where they could be happy as well, they go sometimes because yes they dont deserve you, you dont deserve them, its for the best oo punyeta pati yang its for the best totoo yan.

Im sorry. The truth is you dont have to deserve pain in order to get hurt, in fact it hurts also because you didnt really deserve it. But this is life.

Ipagdadamot mo ba yon.
OO na ikaw na dakila sa pagibig.

Binibining Pinipig 2010

2010-05-17T03:06:00.000-07:00

I have recently joined a beauty contest that exists only in the minds of some men around me.
(As i have always seemed to involuntarily do most of my unaware life)
I am not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing or if that's a sexist thing.
I think I over analyze.
The world after all is true critic of beauty in general.

But No. Haha. I definitely don't win all beauty contest held in the minds of men. Haha I wouldn't even dare claim that even in my dreams. :D

Yun lang, Its funny how I have always been compared to my own friends. Its probably because the world is a small place and my friends are utterly gorgeous themselves. :) Its okay.

Naturally, for example lang, a typical beautiful woman (who knows she is...well some kind of a beautiful thing herself) would see another beautiful girl as a threat/competition somehow (animal instincts haha ;D), but truth is, that being true is a good thing. They will deliver to you the man who will see you most beautiful :) How is that? Kasi, for one, you know he can focus his attention to you despite the many distractions (hindi ko alam i-explain haha but what i just said was an understatement). :)

Pero wag ka namang pasaway, baka naman padalhan mo ng babae, I-frame up mo siya, i test mo siya araw araw just to prove to yourself if he loves you/he wants you talaga. Aning ka na nun pag ganun. ;D Let me be first to say "T A N G A!" ;D haha

We should trust that the right men (fyi. tig-one man each lang ideally haha pero kung complicated ka, hindi ako hukom, so no need to explain to me) usually will initially have a crush on you because they find you attractive, but they will want to zero in on you and want you by their side for keeps because of (cliche as it may sound) who you are, your personality and yes even the little things about you. naks!

Sabi nga ni Lucky " Beauty will get my attention, But its the personality that would make me want to stay" actually di ata yan exactly, trust me na lang that the concept is there. :P

Isa pa, we're all winners in the eyes of those who loves us.

Pero if you want to always be the most beautiful (as in halos dapat gawan na ng legal na kasulatan na ikaw ikaw ikaw or sige kahit ako, ako ako ), mahirap yan...
Kausapin mo si Alessandra de Rossi: " Umarte lang ng naayon sa Ganda" ;D

If I live in the Moment, Will I die in the next?

2010-04-12T08:15:00.000-07:00

Its not the broken mirror. Its not the hole, Czesca's nanny burned into the last of my decent uniforms, which I would still be wearing tomorrow. Its not the stupid Sisig which got me eating too much. I'll tell you what it is....Its everything.

Yes. I have been afraid to say and do SOME THINGS for the very same reason I want to say and do it. Reason: Regrets. The terrible part about regrets is that it comes only when you've already risked getting it. It doesn't come any second earlier, when you would have opted to do something else. Tricky. Sneaky little bitch. And I suppose we've all met the cousin of regrets, that haunting option A, which didn't really exist until you realized option B was a bad idea.

Its complicated. In the end, I am left with nothing to do. WEAK. If only I had the flexibility and agility of an acrobat, I would have kick my own head unconscious by now.

I'm a mess. Well you could consider me the neatly-organized kind of mess. How would you know right? I am perfect (just as you will me to be) I am imperfect (just the way you want me to be). I should get an award the "HUMAN"-award. Oh-no wait let's all get one, maybe whatever is your story, you deserve one too.

This would not seem related but...

I wish the 7-11 store would transform into a friendly robot like "bumble-bee". So then I could sit next to it 24 hours a day and I dont know... it would simply be cool to hang around a robot for a change since Im left with nothing to do anyway.

Blasphemy in a Myth's Cloak?

2010-02-27T09:15:00.000-08:00

What do you think?

I am fond of mythology as I am with other great legends, epics and all.

Is there a possibility that mythology is not entirely just a pigment of the imagination but rather a hint of what used to be there but has been banished, allowed only to be remembered as myths, twisted in such a way that it will convince us that all of it is purely fiction.

There was a time when angels saw that the women on earth were beautiful and at some point, some of them came down and made love to them. The courtship was not detailed. But it was written that it happened. Children were born of them, half human, half angels. It was written that they were the giants of their time. Some of them heroes. But they were erased from the face of the earth. (BOOK OF GENESIS; THE BIBLE)

What if Greek mythology actually originated from this event? What if the people then who did not know what to call them but who were sure that they were more than human and that because they know not any other being more glorious than a God, they called them Gods foolishly. What if some of them acted like Gods, what if they were looked up upon, feared upon, loved because they were beautiful, because they were different, because they were rare and they knew. And they were banished for all these reasons? Maybe some of them abused their indifference and used it to their advantage?

What choices did they have? What rights/stands/arguments/pleas did they have to protect themselves from being wiped out? Were all of them evil? Were they children of the devils the moment these angels crossed the boundaries?

If the story is unrelated and the slight similarity is a coincidence...whats the story behind the story?

(FYI...ah yes. I know the meaning and concept of fiction...I dont think Edward Cullen exist..dont worry =)...just this one time for this case only...i'd like to challenge its myth factor.)

BookMark

2010-02-25T23:07:00.000-08:00

We are all books, being read everyday, for a minute, for a moment and even for a lifetime.

Everyone is a reader, some avid and some reads simply to encircle the many errors in it.

In this sense, at least we should be glad the world has something in common after all.

Aside from being born sinners, we were born books and bookworms.
And the real dilemma is not that we have the tendency to be judged by our covers but that it is not all the time that we understand what we are reading.

Are you reading me now?

In This Blog: I Said Fuck 3x

2010-02-23T07:10:00.000-08:00

I am breaking down. ='(

Can i be weak kahit ngayon lang ? Kahit sa blog lang na toh. Minsan minsan lang naman eh.
I dont want to be whining about this pero tao lang ako, I break the fuck down too.

Its not just the pressure, its not just the stress, its the feeling of having to do this alone when in the first place it was a group work. Parang ganun....Im tired of the fucking 'Respondeat Superior'.
Respondeat Superior shouldn't be defined as 'let the superior answer' it should be defined as "its not my ass anyway".

It makes me sad to be reminded that it is true for most people..."every man for himself". I understand we have different priorities and i can't expect people to multi task the way I do, maybe what is really disappointing is that at least you expect them to care as a friend but as it turns out they care pretty less than you thought they would.

Again maybe its my fault. If I dont get these things done anyway, its going to be my fault.

With all these things in my head, all these things that needs to be done and my daughter on the sideline, constantly calling for my attention "mommy i want to sit on your stomach, mommy i want to play, mommy this...mommy that.."

I keep telling myself I can do this...but Im really really feeling a little overloaded.
And the hard part is tomorrow I have to tell myself the same thing. That I can do this.
When sa puso ko gusto ko ng bumigay...gusto ko na lang ayoko na.
And the people who can cheer you up, well they're not here at all. Not now at least...
And once again, life has proven a little consistency...that no one can pick you up, except maybe your own self. (and God...so if you're reading this now...I need some picking up...PULUTIN MO NA AKO PLEASE...Itayo mo ko...='( )

Finally I do the most sensible thing I can do....burst out crying.

The fuck. ='(

Stars

2010-02-15T04:38:00.000-08:00

I pictured myself watching stars but have never really done it the way I have pictured it.
I remember looking up as we were walking from the parking to my father's burial.
Those little light bulbs of the night.

Although science has explained them. They will always be the way I describe them. =) And that's the best thing about stars. To some they are heavenly bodies, to me they are a lot of things.
A lot of things. Stars are poems. I read them one night at a time.

LoVe DonT Cost a Thing

2010-02-13T02:46:00.000-08:00

Dear John - well I'm not crazy about the movie. It left me broken-hearted alright. It finished with an open-ended ending, what is that? =p We get the picture but we kind of hoped it was going to be more specific...I mean did they live happily ever after or not? What did that hug mean?

Tears welled up but no, I didn't cry like I did in One More Chance or when I watched "THE NOTEBOOK". I dont want a JOHN. I want a guy like NOAH. Both characters however does not exist in real life hahaha, oh well sue me okay - okay, they do exist momentarily =) No wonder a movie only last up to 3-4 hours tops, any longer and we might have seen John and Noah in a different light. hehe

Haha..Me on the other hand, I have a (name here). He hates my guts sometimes but loves me I guess. I wish he doesn't. We're in the music video "love don't cost a thing" right now. haha.

It is odd how time flies when I think we were happier eating hotsilogs, tosilogs and whatsilogs (I'm a hotsilog girl). When all he can offer was nothing but I guess love. Now love has a price. It is every gift he gives me. I can't say I don't like it, I do. I mean, I love gifts, its just that sometimes I think he's forgotten why I chose him. It was never for these things. Minsan I would stop him and say "(name here) hindi nabibili ang pag ibig" hahaha well I'm serious.

He moves around me, with all these things he wants me to have. All these things he buys me, when for example I simply wanted a book.

Sometimes its no longer even about what I want him to give me, It's usually what he wants me to have. And as confusing as it may seem (or maybe not) it is not the same thing.

I am not complaining. Okay, so maybe I am. I talked to him about this, but like so many talks, they are nothing but talks. =p because maybe when the times comes they become more than talks, I 'd finally run out of things to blog.

Things lose their meanings when they are nothing more than the tag price that came with them.

Ring the Alarm

2010-02-12T09:29:00.000-08:00

May God send His angels to wake me up. =) I remember when I was little,at night I would worry that I wouldnt be able to wake up for school. I usually pray the night before... to God =) and I ask him to wake me up because there is no one else who would do that for me..I'd pray that even though I'm going to be sleeping for maybe 3-4 hours only, that he gives me the energy of someone who has slept for a thousand years. (Like Sleeping beauty to be exact hahaha) Thankfully, I always woke up on time, but the reason why I was always so late however was because after waking up on time, I just go back to sleep again. (There goes your definition for ungrateful)

DREAM B

2010-02-12T06:33:00.001-08:00

Its so funny that after i have convinced myself into believing that I really want to be a nurse (with heartfelt sincerity) I am faced with a question that simply made that thought vanish into thin air.

Where do i see myself ten years from now? haha - when i saw that on the test paper... Shoot. Well other than I'd definitely be older, I immediately thought about the many things I have always wanted to venture into but have always been somehow distracted and hindered to do so.

I want to be a _______. I want to do_________. And I want to own_____. I'm gonna ________. No nursing. But don't worry. I dont hate nursing, I'm gonna stick up to it...kung baga paninidigan ko naman =p hopefully not forever though (as of now). Im secretly hoping in my heart, ten years from now I could be right there. Well if that dream doesnt come true, I'm calling the present"DREAM B". IF 'Dream A' doesnt happen', DREam B is in progress, although its not really my forte.

=)

IM A SMILEY =)

2010-02-12T06:08:00.000-08:00

I don't know what I'm smiling about. =p I have got tons of things to accomplish. The student council year end report with audit, the Connection Issue No. 2, The Graduation yearbook and pictorial, The Election, The Search for a new publisher, COPAR, etc waaaah =p and the downsloping academics hahaha. It's too hilarious. =) I am not superwoman, but I'm going to pull this off somehow...someway right? I HAVE TO FREAKIN TRY =)

I am not ashamed to be embarrassed. Hahaha =) I realized I actually appreciate the moments. It gives me something to laugh about myself other than the regular flaws of the daily life. Let's see how this all ends.

Im all hyped up, but I'm not too excited about starting up on anything. I'm too stressed just thinking I have to do them. But soon...actually sooner, I have to cram doing these things.

Ah yes. I am the ultimate crammer.

Maybe I dont hate pressure, maybe i want it until it makes me cry, tear me to pieces and eat me alive.

I dont know what I'm saying. But whatever is my point, I'll have to let you know...I'm feeling a little cheerful despite of everything =) I'm a merry soul tonight.

Bloom into Cellulites

2010-02-09T06:42:00.001-08:00

I realize that the most beautiful flowers doesn't have to be a flower hahaha. =)
Take for example, Chicharong Bulaklak =p. Haha. I did it again. I ate more than I can. KAINIS HAHAHA =p (there goes that fake hahaha again =p)

ThE OtHeR "F" WoRd

2010-02-08T08:50:00.000-08:00

Kapag basag na ang lahat ng "I-wish" bottles niyo sa buhay pero may pirapirasong bubog na kumalat para bubugin ka at sabihin mong ouch "I WiSH blah blah"... kurot ni Faith, dude...para ma realize mong anjan pa pala siya sa loob mo. Gusto mo pa rin maniwala kaya nga "I WiSH" unggoy ka. =)

Men Tal and Wo MenTos

2010-02-08T08:08:00.000-08:00

I would like to confess that although I believe my heart is made of things pop and cheerful, that there are things not so pop about me.
For example, I do not believe men should be loved so much that you put them in a pedestal. Men are men. They are not God. They are capable of committing mistakes, making you cry and hurting you despite the ever-so-over-used "I WILL NEVER HURT YOU". Boys you hurt us even when you don't know it. =)

But to be fair. I say girls are not saints as well, we are as capable as you are in hurting and being the greatest bitches of your life. =p QUits? =)

I am not speaking for everyone. I mean you could disagree, its okay.

Tell me what planet you live in, I'd like to move in =p hahaha. Or if you are truly unfamiliar with what i just said above, then God bless you, you are among the lucky few. =) And I will pray you never find out about the truth. The truth will set you free but it will hurt you first. =)

I hope you're not surprised to hear this from me - I am not all light cheers after all. but pop comes in when I say, I dont hate this about myself. I love it. (no sarcasm there) I mean life is so real, it almost tore down every fantasy I held on to as a child about growing up, love and everything else. But here is where my little faith steps in like David facing Goliath....

I know that deep down in my heart... somehow I want to believe otherwise-everything I believe in now. =)
(are you confused? well what's new. =P - whether it's because of how i constructed the sentences or something else, just trust me, there's something really beautiful inside it)

PS: I dont hate men and their imperfections =) I am not really in love with it but based on experience, Men will not be the death of me but still the love of me. hahaha. =p
Minsan naisip ko na rin kung bakit may mga pananaw akong parang pang lalake haha I'm a dude.

Repeat After Me: HA-HA-HA (masaya ka na niyan? =p)

2010-02-08T07:52:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wondered tuwing may ka text ka or let's say kahit nabasa mo lang dito sa blog ko? Pag tinype "HAHAHA" "HEHEHE" tumatawa ba talaga nung sinabi yun or while tina-type yun? O pakwela lang minsan =p

Sometimes even yung mga smileys...were they there because naka smile talaga or minsan nilagay na lang kasi yung ang gustong mangyari...hahaha <--see i did it...i said hahaha pero as i am typing away now hindi naman nag open yung lips ko. PLASTIC. hahaha =p <---this time atleast I smiled, FYI.

Apir tayong ma plastic jan. =P sa larangan ng minsang pagtawa pero di naman pala tumatawa. =)

NOTE: Minsan naman tumatawa talaga ako. Minsan pa nga nakangiti ng di pabubura eh. Ang point ko lang...nangyayari din yung ganito "hahaha" pero di naman pala tumatawa. =)

My Fairytale Smile

2010-02-08T06:47:00.000-08:00

Alam ko naman na HAPPINESS IS A CHOiCE. There's truth in this saying, I know. I do this all the time. Kapagod ahaha. Imagine minsan the day sucks right from the beginning or let's say for example the knife is still in your chest and you're somewhat bleeding out and then I tell myself, I can choose to be happy, trusting myself to be stronger and believing in all things hurtful whether sadya or hinde, na kaya ko silang ngitian. =p

Sorry If i sound like I'm complaining. I understand mas magandang magpaka martyr , to just shut up and do what you do, never ever complaining...mas bongga sa character...pero di ko naman target magpa bongga...papakatotoo lang. Siguro Plastic na nga ako sa maraming bagay...isipin niyo na lang dapat pati ba naman sa ganito? =p

Or di naman kaya, tadtad ka ng di matapos tapos na obligasyon haha pero dapat poise pa rin, smile smile lang kaya ko yan. Carry Lang. =p Minsan natanong ko na rin sa sarili ko kung baliw ba ako? Ngiti ngiti malungkot naman pala hahaha. Sabagay iniisip ko na lang may mabuti rin namang naidudulot yun. Pag may tumingin sa akin, makikita nila kung kaya ko, kaya rin nila. Feeling inspiration? hehehe. =p

I truly believe what I said about life being beautiful whether it sucks at the moment or not, pero anu ba pwede naman siguro mag break? break lang break =) hahaha. The'f' nakakapagod pala. hahaha. I am tired of wearing a smile on my face. Later tonight I think I'll throw my smiles in the laundry (baka kasi kelangan lang malabhan). Ang ayoko lang baka kasi kumupas =p haha gumaganun. Ang sarap din ng ganito ako noh kahit hindeh - maging komplikado man ang lahat ng bagay sa buhay ko...alam ko...gusto ko...kakayanin ko. Sumemplang man ako ng 9 out of ten =) at least out of ten may isang natisod lang ah...di sumemplang =) May bright side. hahaha. Kaso pahinga lang ako konti pwede ba yun...=)

BEN TUMBLR

2010-02-07T08:55:00.000-08:00

What the heck. I created a tumblr account a few moments ago. I'm not sure why I did that though. I'm pretty fine with blogger.com; It allows me to feel alone when I need to be alone. Anyways i created one, I dont know when I'll ever use it though.

I feel safer here. But I created the tumblr account for future use haha we never know if I'll get to it.
I once told myself I'd never have anything to do with Friendster, but I had two accounts. Then I decided to try out Multiply, which by the way, I loved.

An then I decided to try out facebook, which at first I didn't really use for a few months because haha I was not yet familiar how to. But I got the hang of it and am now sort of hooked on FB. =p

Not sure how long it would last though :)

Nothing is What it Seems

2010-02-05T17:48:00.000-08:00

I'm all sleepy. I danced away last night hoping to burn the 3 servings of rice, the tortang talong, and the liempo I had for midnight dinner. I didn't think I burned anything though except my energy for this morning. I feel a little bloated. A mess.

I don't know maybe its not as easy as just making a choice or making a decision or deciding on things (talk about redundant haha) . Maybe sometimes we decide on things so that we can actually be relieved of having to understand the complicated. I know. I know. Its as if Im not talking any sense, but maybe not all my blogs were meant to be understood. If you can dig into my heart, maybe you could even find yourself somewhere in there. =)

There are songs, I can only sing in my head. Songs that would expose the secrets of my complicated thoughts. That not everything is what it seems. Not even me - Maybe.

Bullet Proof Vest is Not a Form of Bra, Dear.

2010-02-05T09:41:00.000-08:00

Don't lose your friends just because you were too busy considering everyone a potential enemy.

It's already a tough world out there, it'll be a lot harder with no one to kick ass with. =)

AWaY KuNG AWaY

2010-02-02T23:11:00.000-08:00

In every relationship, we can't really avoid the little big fights between you and your guy. I am not an exemption.

These fights mostly all boils down to who is right and who is wrong. As opposed to what some men claims, women doesn't always think that they are right - or that, that is why they argue or go at it at men. That's not true at all - That is not always the case. Me - I fight back because I refuse to go down without a fight hahaha.>=)

There are moments when at the back of our minds, we just want to kill each other all bloody and shitless. Hahaha.
Yeah - I know I'm smaller, more fragile and you already told me how it'd be so easy to break all my bones apart if you wanted. And I ALWAYS HIT YOU ASAP (no regrets >=p kala mo jan) - because I will not be threatened. I mean if you're gonna do it, I don't want to wait just to find out, I want to find out now and I want to see how this ends. >=) Maybe I want to die - so be it. I wouldn't want to spend forever with someone who can do that to me. right? right? =)

LIGHTS. CAMERA. ACTION!!!

(name here): Akala mo Mananalo ka??!!

Me: Wala akong pakealam!!! Lalalaban ako hanggang gusto ko!!!!!!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!

Me: Malaki ka lang pero di mo ko kayang patumbahin! (Quoting Popoy in the movie One More Chance)

(name here) Ang Tapang mo talaga!! Nakikita mo ba gaano ka kadali balian?!!??

Me: Wala akong pake! Hindi Mo Kaya. Dead na dead ka sa akin...TAGAL! (haha ang confidence highest level)

(name here): KAPAL mo talaga...hahaha

And diyan nagtatapos ang 70% ng fights, 10% nagtatapos sa Deadmahan then away ulit, 10% sa Kainan, 5% sa Patigasan ng Loob, 2% sa Fair and Mutual Settlement, 1% sa Puyatan blues, 1% sa iyakan blues and 1% nakalaan para sa posibilidad na katapusan na talaga. =p Mabuti ng realistic.

Pero kasi sa totoo lang alam ko naman...hindi mo gagawin saktan ako. (Ganyan ka magmahal, alam ko ng buong buo gaano) naks haha mina-manipulate lang kita ano effective ba? =) joke

Day 1 Begins

2010-02-02T22:46:00.000-08:00

I have almost forgotten the things we went through together.

How we found each other (although duda ko stalker ka talaga eh noon pa haha =) ),

changed each other and

Paano mo ako nauto haha. =pThat is a wonder. =p

Kung anung kulam ang namamagitan sa ating dalawa, hindi ko alam.

5 yrs going 6 is not chicken feet.

I have lost some things I used to be and that goes the same for you.

At Alam ko........................... isip bata ako.

Nakakainis ako. Pero aminin mo

............... isip abnoy ka din nman.

Quits. Quits. =p

I may no longer remember how, but you always remind me why...,

Kahit sometimes, more than once over the years, I just wanted to walk away and end this,

It doesn't happen. I always end up with more reasons to stay.

You're a good man. And you are not the person na iiwan lang. I know that now.

haha now lang eh no...well better now than never =p wag ka na magreklamo. =p Kapal ko talaga =p

So I believe I owe it to us, to work it out.

Ang relationship naman hindi naman kailangan paabutin sa Dead End para lang ma-sense mo kung may dapat ayusin.

So once again. I’m In. Day One begins today. =)

Ikaw ang Mr. Right ng buhay ko noon, ngayon and tignan natin kung pati bukas...hahaha anu ka kampante?, i-earn mo kaya. (hahaha) =)

Heart On.

BORED - passer ;)

2010-02-02T22:15:00.001-08:00

My thoughts bounced off the walls of the classroom like a rubber ball. I stared at her. The apple green polo shirt kept my eyes on her and the gold buttons on it glamoured me. I crossed my legs and leaned back on my arm chair. I could feel the cold air from the aircon touch my skin. I wished I had my jacket.

Thinking of nothing-thoughts, her voice would fade away into the background and then come back like a wake-up call. It penetrates into my consciousness but nothing more.

Slide 25. I thought 21 more slides and we are done. My disinterest was not completely surprising but yes it made me feel irresponsible.

Pulling my tissue napkin over my mouth, I coughed. The sound of a lion roaring with a chicken stuck down his throat crowing, came out of me. My chest hurts from so much coughing.

There is a jungle inside of me and it is in chaos but my face could only remain unflinched, unmoved and uninterested. There you go. In other words. Im bored, I just wanted to go home, lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling. Sigh.

CoUGHtain Cherryl

2010-02-01T22:52:00.000-08:00

Coughing my head off ~ thankfully it's stuck on me. =p

I wish it'd go away soon though ~~~ I am not really enjoying it.
but then again sick or not sick ---- I can handle this. (haha pep talk)

I shouldn't have missed class this morning, but my body was demanding sleep and rest.
So much- that the minute I got on the bed, I fell asleep. Sound asleep only to wake up at 2:30 in the afternoon.

Anyways, It's another long night later. Lord let there be a miracle, let our C.I send us home at least 30 minutes early. And tell my body, my achy breaky body to HANDLE the situation =)

Feeling Gray/Grey =)

2010-02-01T03:00:00.000-08:00

You know how sometimes we are so sure we can distinguish at a distance which is wrong and right,
but then comes a time when you somehow lose this sensibility and find yourself in a dilemma? its okay.

Take it easy. Life. =) It unfolds so we'd know the answer at the best time.
I didn't say right time, because right time is when we would have already chosen the right answer. =)

If you are in the 'right' already, Good for you.
If you maybe not, its okay. Life happens for reasons bigger than us. =)

Sue Me, Valentine

2010-01-31T08:04:00.000-08:00

Take me to the movies, I'll eat your popcorn.
Take me to dinner, I'll eat more than you.
Pay the Bill, I'll Pay in Love
(yuck ang corny hahaha nakakainis haha yuck pero naisip ko...hahaha ewww self eww)

Seriously

Valentine's doesn't really excite me anymore =). Hala- Don't feel bad for me yet, Im okay =p. I guess once Again, I am sorry for disappointing the stereotyped image of a girl. Hahaha. =p I even told ___ "Lalaki na ata ako" although I know, when i said that, I stereotyped men in general (sorry. hehe). But let me clear that when I say 'not excited', it doesn't mean I don't feel all tingly inside at the thought of LoVE in general. But I believe its okay, right? (rhetorically asking =p)

Sure, I'm one of the cheesiest persons I know. But then again there are times when things don't mean the same to me as it does to the rest of the world. p e a c e. =)

But Okay. It's up and coming, let's see what happens or what happens not =) After all, I do believe its a good holiday =) It celerates the most annoying, most disturbing, ironic thing in this life, LoVe. LoVe. Love.

Anyways, I just said not excited but I didn't really say I wouldn't celebrate it. =p

Music Pasok: Love. Love. Love. I want your love....rah-rah-rah-rah =p

Tayong Dalawa

2010-01-29T09:24:00.000-08:00

Pag tipo kasing pareho na lang tayong dalawa na nakaupo sa may bandang likod ng jeep at kitang kita mo naman na ang layo natin sa driver pareho...medyo mas tama ata na ikaw na mismo magabot ng bayad mo =)

I pushed my ass forward one at a time all the way to hand her fare money to the driver "bayad daw po". As I was doing so, I was already thinking this,haha that she had to hassle another passenger this much (in this case: me). I sort of let out some chuckles and a smile and told her sweetly ha "hindi na ata pakisuyo ang tawag dito...utos na ata pag ganito"

MiSS,HINDI AKO KONDUKTOR! =) hehe~ just kidding~ but hey I'm a good neighbor...so I still did it. haha. Ma reklamo lang =)

In God's Time

2010-01-27T08:44:00.000-08:00

Thank you Lord for answering my prayer today.

Whether or not it is by law of attraction or not, I believe that God is behind everything...even law of attraction itself.

God's timing is always Perfect.

I Love you Lord. =)

NCP (N__ C_P____)

2010-01-26T04:15:00.000-08:00

fill in the blanks

Amidst the little moments of my life... I think finally napuruhan na rin ako ng aking daily breakfast na gawa sa usok ng tambucho ng mga jeep at sari-saring alikabok. Nabubulunan pa ako literally, haha sayang lang ang squish here and there ng perfume...burado nanaman sa kapal ng usok.

I'm not feeling too well today. May konting ubo - may malubhang sipon, so far wala namang lagnat. =) Hay.

Nakakalokong isipin na sa gitna ng masamang pakiramdam, tambak na gawain (yes mega tagalog =p hehe) nagagawa ko pang maging corny. Built in na kasama na sa package hehehe. "Che ano na Dx mo sa pasyente mo?, kulang ka pa ng isa..." ---"pwede kayang Risk for falling in love related to me?" joke lang yan shempre noh...hehe ang corny ko nakakainis ako. Oo na ako na ang sasapak sa sarili ko, hindi naman ako ganun ka feelingera =p. sir...biro lang. peace.

At least wholesome yan ah, si ___ nga ang intervention sa gf niya ay "TSB" -tara sa bedroom. In fairness nahihilo na ako pero kahit papano natawa pa ako. Babaw. =p

There.

2010-01-24T17:08:00.000-08:00

( ̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅[̲̅ ̲̅]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅: ̲̅)
no harm done. =)

~whenever anybody needs one =) just copy and paste.
Hahaha.
Like I did. Thanks ___.

One Tough Cookie

2010-01-24T04:22:00.000-08:00

(",) Life's always tangled up in crazy ways. And walking in it, I realized I may have mastered walking on shards of broken glasses with a smile. (",) The whole world is already an episode in MMK, I'd rather be in an episode of B1 and B2. The soles of my feet bleeds but then in the end if i keep on walking, I get there. All tangled up but its okay. So there's a thought. =)

Cuts will sometimes make me stop, make me take a moment to savor it helplessly. It's okay to feel it. Because I know that I am vulnerable but I also know that my heart can endure it. And as I was, so I am again. =) It is not something I enjoy, but it is not something I fear. If i see it heading my way, I let it hit me simply because I believe that whether life sucks at the moment or not, Life will always be beautiful and I wouldn't want to miss a thing =) (parang kanta lang)

Takot ako sa ipis. Takot ako sa butterfly.
Hindi ako takot mabuhay
kahit pa gawing horror ang buhay ko (hehe Lord wag naman)
Tapang ko noh.
Iba ang laki sa Milo. =p
(LABO)
Tibok. Tibok. Tibok.Tibok.
Feel me?

Late Night (Every Night)

2010-01-23T05:33:00.002-08:00

Just Finished True Blood Season 2. =p

In all fairness, I hate it but it kept me interested. I think it had a lot of obscene scenes(rhyme rhyme =p). It used the concept of church in a questionable position. All the heroes are a mess themselves. Moth*Fu**er is an over-used word and so is f**k Y** Etc. Etc. Plus most of the vampires have wrinkles, eyebags, uneven skin tones, and are in need of a good shave. Hmmm. And all these presentation was in conflict with my taste, which ironically continously invited my interest.

I quote my favorite line in the series "you think I got it easy...well I work out like a motherf*****" ~~~ =p Saying goodbye to binge eating and maybe making it a daily mission to hop on the bike atleast an hour a day EVERYDAY. Get fit. I'm tired of feeling weak and obviously physically unconditioned. So I better get started about meaning what i say and saying what I mean. and stop plumping myself to the shape of a ponkan orange. It's contradicting to say something you believe in but to do otherwise anyway right. =p Pep talk haha.

---It's 12:30 , I have to be up by 5:30 or something I'm watching WHITE OUT. So I guess I'll finish this in about 1 and a half hour; give another 45 minutes to clean up and then hit the sack. wish me luck, my back is killing me. =)

Weird Dream

2010-01-22T07:51:00.000-08:00

Minsan I have weird dreams.

I had a dream that I took a scissor and cut my hair short, and after I did, suddenly all my hair died. They were rough, curly in the wrong ways and super short. It looked terrible. And then I scratched off a flake of dandruff about 2cm thick from near my front hairline. I stared at it with disgust and then I woke up =)

The End. Goodnight =)

My friends say its a sign I shouldn't cut my hair. Haha - I'll think about it.

Oh-well

2010-01-22T07:23:00.000-08:00

Minsan... hindi na ako sure.
(silence.)
Hey. ano masasabi mo?
(silence.)
Hey.
hindi na rin ako sure.
tapos?
ayoko na rin.
(silence)
JOKE!!! BWAHAHA.WALA.WALA. TRAPPED KA NGA DI BA. TRAPPED!!!
Baliw! Sabi ko na nga ba.
HAHAHA TRAPPED!!!
Ewan.

The Stomach-way to the Heart

2010-01-20T08:21:00.000-08:00

"Dalin mo dito gf mo magagalit sa iyo yun". I overheard _ and _ talking.

I peeked over at where he was referring to and honestly I didn't see anything wrong with it. It's a typical decent fastfood restaurant which if i can remember,(I do) my former boss told me about it; serves good dishes. So butting in the conversation, I said it's not too bad and that I heard they served good food. To which ___ told me, "if Ryan took you there, you'd be mad". Hmmm..let me see. NOpe. I wouldnt know why I'd get mad. I haven't eaten there but judging from what I saw and what I've heard, it doesnt sound too bad. If he took me there and masarap naman yung food, one thing's for sure, I'll want my extra rice =)

Man, if you're gf loves you, it won't matter if you take her out to fine dining or to fast foods (well it'd be nice to take her somewhere special every now and then or all the time- haha let's not be plastic about that =p) but its okay...because she loves you. Everything you do, everything you give her is appreciated to the highest level so long as the effort and the thoughtfulness is there. Why the hell should she get mad? unless you're the kind of bf who spends all his money on techies, but who never took her out to fine dining (even where there's a chance) and have aLWaYS taken her to the foodcourt >=p but other than that, it should be okay. <3 Kumain ka na lang, mabubusog ka pa. =)

I am not speaking for every woman or girl. I am at least speaking for those who may be sharing similar viewpoints as mine. To mean what this guy said ... means underestimating not only your gf but the love she has for you dude. You suck. =)

Its as simple as: "Steaks are yummy and so is the Bulaluhan"

So
For gf's who agree, High-Five =)
For chicks who says otherwise...you're missing out. =)
For guys who believe like the guy I mentioned here. =) Good luck to you.
For dudes in the 'aye aye'. Right on. =)

Write Me Up

2010-01-19T08:39:00.000-08:00

_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________

Because you are writing my day, today =).

Hayssssssssssss

2010-01-17T07:40:00.000-08:00

I stared up at the clock and wondered why I couldn't hear it tick-tock. The fan was making noises. The TV was too loud. But I am not hearing any of them. All I can hear were my thoughts - my stupid thoughts. (".)

Dear me, am i half asleep? or am I half-awake? I'm feeling pretty good - and yet pretty bad. In other words, I don't really know how i feel. So I decided that tomorrow I'd just probably stay put at home and not think of anything at all - if that is even possible. It's not.

'Cold. Cold as the dead. I am nowhere near dead, but I am already cold.' One solid piece of Ice Block in the middle of the desert.

I wish I could wear the sun in a button pin every day, then there will always be light, and i can see everything clearly. I have always loved the stars - I used them in a lot of poems. Stars are always fascinating. They're the little light bulbs I wear inside my eyes. But as it turns out, I cannot control how they sparkle.

Oh-Shit.

2010-01-13T08:46:00.000-08:00

I feel bad. I feel really bad.

Not just for me or for ____.
I feel bad for everyone of us for all sorts of reasons.
First because we were stupid enough to disregard the trust which clearly now, we do not deserve.
Second because we have been careless to hurt people who care about us.
Third, is for all things that follow after we hurt people who care for us, after we break the trust of those who thought we were better people than that. Obviously they were wrong about that. Hopefully not permanently though.

It's been a bad day right from the start. Pag gising ko pa lang nga may topak na ako - pag labas ko ng pinto ang sungit na ng araw ko. =/ hays. Na marinate na akong mabuti sa kasungitan ng araw bago pa ako nakarating sa ____.

I'm sorry.
We're all super sorry. =(
But alam naman namin that sorry does not even cut it even a bit.
So I'm hoping we get what we deserve =(, but just crossing my fingers it won't be too harsh or anything.
But then again, who are we to have a say... we do not have that right, not now - When we've brought this to ourselves. There is no excuse.

I don't know what it's like to "nakaligo ka na ba sa dagat ng basura" but i sure am real close to understanding what its like to feel like a 'basura'. oh- shit.

It must be this evil hair;Cutting it all off on February. haha =/ (hindeh...sinali ko na lang rin...dagdag stress naman kasi tong buhok ko, hindi ko naman alam ayusin, its mostly just flat. flat like my luck.) Hate my hair. Right now. Hate me. Right now. Im just all about hate today , topped with artificial okay-ness (no such word - pero hayaan niyo na ako. =/ this is my blog)

Black Holes

2010-01-11T09:02:00.000-08:00

Like forceful Black Holes in the beauty of space,

And fireflies, suicidal in pursuit of bliss,

Each kiss condemn me fearful and helpless,

And all passion replaces the blood in my veins,

They run me, secretly they run me.

But then I do not care at all,

When we are so close,

To being black holes and suicidal fireflies.

You haunt me just as I haunt you,

But we are perfect for it,

No secret was ever more clandestinely mutual,

No touch had ever been so warm

yet cold at the same time

Than that which we do not share.

Than that which should not exist.

I wrote this last June 3, 2009 and included this in this semester's school paper. =)

AvAtAr

2010-01-11T08:52:00.000-08:00

AVATAR. I loved it. It was a fantasy-fiction-love story. It was of whimsical thoughts and magical worlds, definitely unreal but passionate – I loved it. A friend said the story was dragging. I disagreed –love takes time haha even for aliens so its okay and its just right because they had to really emphasize the turning point for Jake Sully and we all know a good change doesn’t happen over night…it happens over love…happens over time, right?. I wonder if there’s a book – I’d really be happy to have that book. I like Jake Sully’s girlfriend’s character. She might be alien... and hisses like an animal but she’s a woman alright =p with all the spunk, that feisty attitude, and most importantly having both strength and helplessness.

I liked the movie for the chances, I liked it for the predicament. I like it for the glowing steps, I like it for the colors, I like the aliens. I like it. Period.=) Nice.

Spare Some Change

2010-01-11T08:23:00.001-08:00

“ Sa dami ng pwedeng katakutan bakit pagbabago pa?”

“Because change simply changes everything…if it is a speck of a change, or a mountain of a change, it doesn’t matter, change means its never going to be the same”

"So If change means its never going to be the same, what happens when it comes?"

" It means I'll always have to change with you"

naks talk shit hahaha---and this is maybe why I have always stayed---madali akong mauto . haha =p kidding.hehe

Missing: Mind

2010-01-09T08:34:00.000-08:00

Sinong wala sa sarili ang malamang naitapon sa basurahan ang leather casing ng camera niya at malamang naibalot sa isa sa mga Christmas gifts nung pasko ang kanyang ID na mukha namang sanggano lang (huhu my Nike ID Holder-ba tawag dun?)...sayang

Ako. Ako na nga.
Ako mismo.

Finger-Licking Good =p

2010-01-09T03:48:00.000-08:00

Thank you DVD (pirated blue-ray in this case) for being a life saver even for this moment. Now all I have to do is go out and buy something to munch on. Skipping the chips - Somebody said I'd be better off with less salt in my life and more water. Hays. Anu naman kaya. Fine. Nothing. Kuko na lang. hahaha =p napra-praning na naman ako. (fyi. Hindi naman ako nag ne-nail-biting, nail-nipping, nail-whatever. =p) I can do with finger sucking/licking anu man ang mas okay na term (WHOLESOME) , yung when you're eating a bag of chips di ba and paubos na, then may mga powder at the bottom which is left on your finger tips. or pag kumakain ka ng KFC - finger licking good nga daw. Bad Habit. => Oh well. =) Just make sure:

1. Naka-trim naman nails mo (ewwww =p)
2. Malinis Kamay mo (Imaginary Pwede Na Rin =p)
3. Walang tao, kasi pwedeng agawin ang finger mo ahaha (wala namang gagawa nun...sinabi ko lang - just a thought) seriously kasi, at some age, it becomes an inappropriate behavior. (So...Too Bad) =p

Haha - enough. Wag na lang Kumain. Period. ;p

Idle Time

2010-01-09T03:17:00.000-08:00

Almost the same with standing under an eerie creepy night sky, when after all the rushing, chasing for certain things-to-do, you find yourself, at last, with nothing to do. (it's something I always wish for anyway right? - when i dont have to do anything) Unfortunately, with nothing to do, I become vulnerable to thoughts I would otherwise choose to suppress, feelings I would otherwise choose to deny and sure... some things I would otherwise choose to close my eyes on.

Things - that doesn't have to be a problem in order to bother me.
Things - that doesnt have to be scary, doesn't have to make me cry..in order for me to fear it...
Just Surprising Things...
Things - the turtle...retreats his neck under his shell for.

DARNA! =p

2010-01-07T02:16:00.000-08:00

I. E.R Duty is killing my legs. Hahaha. And Czesca is turning me into a zombie. I get home around 11pm and still have to wait for her to sleep at around three am, then I have to wake up in the morning??? which is the hardest part of the day - when all I want to do is sleep some more. =p

II. I am doomed to lose all kinds of personal identification card at some point. AAAhhhh!!!!!!!!! And I only have to lose them when I really really really need them. Tough luck!!! =p

III. I think I have never walked so much in years. It was a tiring day. I was lucky that Lyle said yes to keeping me company while I finished up some errands, from Edsa to Makati; jeep-trike-jeep-mrt-jeep-bus-mrt-jeep and a whole lot of walking!!! Hahaha Pa-simpleng work-out, Sauna na rin ang init kasi...=p

IV. Finally!!! The article is coming out next week!!! =) At least I'm done with the first issue, now I have to brew the next one ready by the second week of February. I can do this =)

V. Plus! I still have a lot of responsibilities in line but I'm just glad at least I got one down for 2010 already yey yey=p excluding my personal academic responsibilities.

With a Ride-All-You-Can Ticket

2010-01-03T00:49:00.000-08:00

Tra-Lalala time is only hours away from ending…I’m plunging back into the real world. I feel like my shoulders are leaning forward but my feet are screeching to a stop, as if coming from a full sprint but suddenly breaking at the edge of a cliff. A cliff whose depths I cannot see, either because I was running at night or because it was not even there in the first place.

I am just scared I guess. I am human – despite most of the pep blogs, I too am vulnerable of common human emotions =p hahaha.

It just haunts me that sometimes when I get in a web of misfortunes...It sucksI- plus it gets me eating more...hahaha well it really does. I wouldn’t know if it would suck less if it didn’t feel like I was letting people down but then again it sucks… period. It’s a happy new year but I have to admit I am carrying some of the unfinished business of 2009. Hopefully I can still fix it, if not, then Lord help me be brave, if the sucking gets any worse, don’t forget to pick me up…please =) If last year started at the peak of the roller coaster, this year started with the ferris wheel. I’m just hanging in there, no seat belts... just rails keeping me safe.

Verdict: Guilty

2010-01-03T00:34:00.000-08:00

Metaphorically speaking, I think my metabolism left me a long time ago at 22. Hahaha =p So now I have to work it to keep the extra pounds off. =p After the Grand Holiday Feasts…of allowing ourselves to eat more than usual or more than necessary since “ Pasko naman, New Year naman”. Guilt Trip Time…. I couldn’t let this bike turn into a house décor anyway, my dog has already become one with the doorknob. =p

(---> cartoonized the photo, coz i realized maybe there's too much legs exposure hahaha =p...) yan wholesome na ulit =)

Candle Light

2010-01-01T21:33:00.000-08:00

I thank God for the New Year; He’s been really patient and gracious with someone like me. I never even bothered to go to church not even once last year. Not proud of it - I wish I have an excuse but I already know the truth, that when you make time for God, God will make sure nothing gets in the way of that except if you do not make that will or if you do not act upon the will. So I’m sorry. Year after year I’m sorry. There should probably be a limit to saying sorry to God – but if there is I wouldn’t know how many because God is God and again, If there is, I wish there would be none, because I would like to say, I would never have to say sorry again but even that - I do not know for sure because life will always be slippery, what I do know is God will always be there though to let you know you have options even when you can’t see any. You’ll always have option God – it’s just soooo hard to choose it sometimes. You know what I mean...in some sense we all understand this part right?

And I hope the pineapple eyes of the world will not deprive me this...' To speak of God but not live by God at all times some say is simply being a hypocrite.' But I guess even hypocrites can say thank you and actually mean it right?=) So I went on to lighting a candle to thank God for the new year, which I asked Czesca to blew out later that night. I told her to make a wish before blowing it out. I was caught off guard with her wish though, she said “ Sana pumunta na si Jesus dito sa bahay natin”. I honestly think she meant literally. But it got me thinking…that maybe if that was to happen, children would really be more ready than us huh? well I know she’d be more ready than me.

... Repost of a short part from an old blog I wrote some time last 2008:

* ... no matter how many times I have already failed you and myself. When in my fear and shame , i just want to let go, like the many times i have almost given you up,and even when people have given up on me, you remind me that You are God, that you will never give up on me. ;p Maraming Salamat Po.

2010 Day 1

2010-01-01T21:14:00.000-08:00

Period. I started the year 2010 with a period. Some say things that happens to you in the first day of the year will run all throughout that year…I guess I’m hoping I don’t’ bleed to death this year or anytime soon. =p Well I just had to mention that. (",)

I lost my camera’s leather casing last night, a few moments away from welcoming the new year, and it almost got me upset. Well maybe it did a little – It annoyed me that I can’t remember where I last left it. I never found it. There I was about to blow the new year’s eve away because I lost my camera’s casing – it hit me that I am worrying over this needless thing and letting it ruin the grace of the night.

I realized we have probably let this happen to us a lot of times. We may all have wasted a good opportunity, a passing moment, a shooting star, or even a true love that moment we let something as petty as my camera’s leather casing, that few extra pounds we gain,your long time bitterness or whatever it is that has taken up the time when you could have been doing better, living better or even yet having the best time of your life.

2009 Away =p

2010-01-01T21:02:00.000-08:00

Well this year had been quite the peak of the roller coaster =) where later it was only natural that all things had seem to be coming to a halt.

I have always kept in mind that when all things are good, we should be thankful, when things are getting sour, well yeah it sucks sometimes, but then we deal with it and still be thankful because it’s all part of the ingredients of life.

Hopefully we all learned something – not that I don’t know if I did but you know how sometimes you never know you learned a certain ‘Something-else’ until you actually get into a situation and you react in a way where you realized hey you learned that from this year or that experience long time ago. Well if you haven’t- that’s too bad because the things we learn unaware sometimes are the ones we live by on… more than that which we have learned consciously. Well this is aside from those things we learn forcibly.

But shallow good thing is; I have finally worn a two-piece bikini!!! Hahaha Or a swimsuit for that matter. The closest I got was way back when I was maybe 16 and I went into the pool with a gray sports bra paired with a Goofy-printed boxer shorts. This year maybe I’ll finally learn how to swim – who knows.

Anyways I couldn’t possibly mention all personal events of 2009 – but to cut it short, let’s just say this year was a good year after all.

Taking the Tests

2009-12-22T06:02:00.000-08:00

When I was younger, I thought I was apart from the world I know - that I am not this or that kind of person, or that I am only this and that kind of person. But life is also like a test, you wouldn't really know if you passed or failed if you haven't taken the test yet. So for example you've never been in the kind of shit another person is in, think twice before you say something bad about it (",) You just might be doing no better than he/she is if that were you. Because things are easier said than done. And also, having said that life is a test, you know what the good thing is? that what really matters is not if you failed or if you passed but what you learned from it.

I'm not trying to lecture anybody - sorry if I sound like it. I am definitely no master in life's many tests either. I just wanted to share this thought so maybe we'd remember to always think twice before we judge not only people but the many complicated situations of life.
Because we have to admit it, each of us is a cast in the story called life, but each of us are also an audience to somebody else's life whether it be coincidental, momentarily or even accidental - it is inevitable that we'd have something to say about someone else and more often, a flaw is more easily acknowledged than beauty.

Giving Chances

2009-12-22T05:59:00.000-08:00

This year God showed me that first impressions are nothing but hardened dust. Until you learn to wipe them away in order to see closer, you get stuck with seeing just dirt. I am not a saint. I don't end up liking everyone I meet instantly, I think that is normal anyway. What I'm saying is I learned that just because you started out not liking someone doesn't mean it's a dead end. Whenever is the right time, you have to at least make a sincere effort to give people chances even when you don't feel like they deserve it. Maybe its not about who you're giving a chance to, but what you are giving a chance to. Give friendship a chance.

You Know Me ...Not

2009-12-21T01:08:00.000-08:00

Its amazing how some people would assume they know you based on what they imagine you to be...dont feel bad because of what they think of you ♥ ♥ everyone gets misunderstood ♥ ♥ bec we are all somebody else's imagination♥ ♥ unless they become lucky enough to really get to know us. (",) so don't hate. let it be. Some people were never meant to get close enough to know us. ♥ ♥ Cherry December!!! ♥ ♥Its about time we do something more than tell ourselves "I am misunderstood"